Learning how to fall

Big hello to me from the 2nd (actually already 3rd as I’m writing this) day of 2012.
Not to be a ranter, but searching for a little sympathy, I worked on the 1st of Jan.  I definitely do not deserve a golden medal, but so to speak – it was hard. Head ached and hands refused to operate under mind commands. Spent the whole day in coma-after-new-years-eve. I did not party that hard, but it was enough.
I’m not setting any new years resolutions to be honest. Shame to say, but not many of the last years’ came true. Not that I’m being so lazy (..I am), but maybe because they were a little bit unrealistic I suppose. I am being honest now with myself. I just wish 2012 not to be the last year in my life (Oscar goes to the civilization Maya). Otherwise I will have no time for all my dreams to come true.:)

I saw a nightmare last night about one of my plans being ruined. I got up crying. As in seriously! So, I decided it’s never going to happen and I will make it.
By the way, I noticed that my memory is bad handling events for the whole year. I mean, I tried to reckon how I spent several previous new years’ eves..and I can’t! Plus for some reason, such months as January-March usually never filled in with exciting stories, but I still think they deserve to be memorised. So I guess I’m going to capture them this time ;)

 Happy New Year everybody and I hope 2012 brings you all you want and wish for.

Let it be a good year:)

It should be definitely much easier to return to normal state of being. Obviously not for me. I keep on going to bed at abnormal time which is around 3am each day and consequently I get up at noon. Jet-lagged? I mean, I’ve been through worse when I visited an upside down hemisphere. But seems like I’m getting older and loosing my grip in comprehending time differences. I lived in a different time zone for just two weeks and three hours difference. Oh come on. It must be wintertime too.
But what I was going to say is that it’s something like two weeks until new years eve. I’m not prepared. I have gifts bought none and ideas in my head are also zero. Work will occupy all of my time with a happy not perspective of having zero new year-Christmas holidays. If for some reason I am not appearing here until 2012- Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year everybody:)
Considering work on the 1st of January, I still hope to spend a nice night with my family and a lovely Christmas with dear people. I will also support Christmas spirit and moods of everybody who celebrate it in December.
But…let’s be more optimistic, I will update here later;)))

I am home. I returned yesterday, after two magic weeks in Seeheim. All was great, except that the place lacked normal internet access, so I could not update here.
Oh…I have no idea if I am able to describe everything! It would take me few days and many posts. I am a little upset, because it all finished so fast, but I am also so happy, that it happened to me.
I will come back…soon ;)

Suddenly and rather pleasantly I realised that I do love this life. It doesn’t matter anymore wether there somebody special exists in my life or if it is just a morning cup of Viennese coffee with milk. Beautiful feeling to enjoy and be happy with what you’ve got. Live the moment. Feel it. Make it special every single day. Despite the fact that the weather is pretty crapy this time of year, I still catch every joy of the day. It is a lovely come back to life. After so much pain in it, it feels like a birthday. It makes me truly happy to live through the day. I open my eyes and feel alive. The very forgotten feeling lately. And for once in my life – it doesn’t depend on anybody. I seem to overcome this feature of getting used to be happy only when special people surround me. Losing them so many times created a fragile, but still a shell on my skin. I never forget them and given a chance would say that I forgave and let go.
Not rambling  a lot, I think I am going to improve and return to photography and maybe painting. The last work I started more than 3 years ago. It was meant to be a birthday gift for one special person. But I never managed to finish it, because I didn’t feel like he would ever see it. And so it never happened. Now I would like to continue my work on it. It should finally take its place in a beautiful frame. And maybe I will be courageous enough and send it to its initial potential owner. Or maybe it is better not to “touch” the past. I will think of it.
And of course I have a global life plans for the nearest year. Whole year! The very first time they also do not include anybody, but me myself and I. Selfish you may think, but in my case it is rather useful, believe me. I know exactly what I want, where I am going and how it should be achieved. I am satisfied like a purring cat on a lap. I don’t know if this is going to work out, but at least I will know I tried.

Wake me up when September ends – a classic to me to say when 1st of September comes.

I for some reason always count September as kind of a transition period to something new. At some point of view-waiting for new things and events to happen in life is great. Worse would be not to wait for anything.

The summer of  2011 was good. It was so alive and crazy that somebody else would only dream of it. Unforgettable night and days in Frankfurt, in Vienna, in Barcelona, in Munich, in Venice, in Udine… Summer with my friends and Bon Jovi. Summer to remember. I did my usual thing: I loved, I laughed, I fell out of love, I cried, I lived all over again, I smiled to my summer of 2011. I said good bye and I’m looking forward to the life ahead ;)

New haircut, new job, new people, a cookbook!!! Some educational process and new opportunities.

Hey, and it’s only been few days since Summer finished :)

All I do is travel.

When I don’t travel – I think of  doing it. When I don’t think of doing it – I want it. I feel very bad if I know I’m not to fly away anywhere anytime soon. It’s an addiction. And if someday I’m cut off from all the opportunities – it’s gonna hurt.

I forgot when was the last time I got me anything nice in the clothing shop or beauty store…or even Apple store:)

I surely belong to somewhere else…

Munich 14.06.2011

Man, I’ve fallen in love with this city…

To some places Spring has come…luckily. Not to my city.

Thanks God for giving me chances to escape from time to time into warmths and sunnyness.

Vienna in April:

I don’t think I have ever felt myself that free, easy, light, naughty, cute, strong, fresh, sensual…

Feels like I could fly.

Had an evening full of million emotions.

Remembered suddenly a saying: my past called me, but I hung up and went to kiss my present :)

On the other hand I’m trying to recover my inner self. I know that these days it’s hidden somewhere deep inside of me. I’m smiling and dancing, playing and fooling around, cheering and laughing… But real me can’t find peace. I don’t think it will ever do actually!

Let’s go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We’ll be young forever

That’s about me since August 2010 :)

I’m so afraid to get used to my life without ever thinking “what if?”. I like it like it is today. It doesn’t make me truly happy, but it’s like a painkiller. And I keep going on.

p.s.: my web site name expires in February and I bloody can’t find a log in and password to the host!!! AAAA!

Borders of my laziness know no limits. I started to write a big post about 2010, and about what have happened then…but it was never posted. And never will be.

I started 2011 full of hopes and dreams.

Again.

I must say that 2010 was in general very good to me. I got to travel quite a lot, I was in and out of love, I laughed so hard that I cried and I cried so hard that later it made me laugh. I met very special people and now I am totally addicted to them and want to meet them again and more often. You know who you’re ;)

As for this year-so it’s simple just like 1-2-3 (kinderleicht). More travelling to be done, more fun to have, more people to meet, more goals to achieve. Ordinary dreams of an ordinary girl.

Oh yeah..it’s gonna be my 25 Bday! Excited and plan a trip somewhere special with somebody special. Hope it’s gonna work out.

Hello, 2011!

We are going to ROCK this year ;)

Autumn. Gorgeous autumn! Warm, sunny, friendly, lovely, peaceful.

Sweet October. Sensual, wild, crazy, fast!

Head is full of positive. Changes…they come to everybody. They come to me. Nothing extra ordinary. Just probably getting older, wiser and better!

Love autumn in Berlin….

It’s two days since I’m already 24 years old.

And you know what?

That’s exactly that I’m doing…So close to the edge. I’m having the time of my life.

Mega summer it was.

Full of love, tears, laughter, broken hearts, travels, friends, work, sun…

I will miss it badly.

Vienna, Paris, Bon Jovi concert, my Frienda (<3), Nice, St.Tropez, a bit of Italy, Frankfurt, Waynes bar, dancing on a table, sweating, getting very tipsy in American bar, fainting on a concert, crying from happiness, crying from sadness, talking, laughing, walking, walking, walking, smiling, taking million photos, sunbathing, swimming with huge jellyfish, crazy trips to Vienna, amazing hours in Frankfurt, meeting a great person, meeting random COOL people, drinking a lot, sleeping very little, working hard earning money for new fun, burning under the really hot sun…

A summer to remember.

You can spend, minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened – or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f*ck on!

Why is that vacation doesn’t last forever? I don’t like it much-depression after coming back home. I have this awful feeling back. When I want to cry, cry and do more crying…just because of I think of how good it was.

Ah, waiting for new adventures soon.

By the way I’m glad I’m home at least for one reason-it’s summertime here. Unlike Europe which is very cold at the moment. I didn’t really expect it to be that cold. I’m getting my doze of happiness again! Vitamin D-come on SUN, gimme more!

But no matter what- I miss my vacation.

Unbelievable, but I’m on vacation at last!

Have been waiting for it for so long. It’s going to be a cool one. Some adventures, some love, some happiness…Paris, Vienna. Life is good.

Oh, and I adore viennese parks!!

Never give your credit card details to the suspicious sources! That’s the thing every clever person knows. Not me obviously. Result: less than 10 euro balance.

Don’t know what to do… Probably make a scandal. But at this hour for some reason my brain doesn’t work. Ah!

I’m there…almost ;)

Have you ever tried spontaneous things?

I have tried a couple of times. And I’m not going to stop! More of those crazy things wait for me already this week.

Strange, but I don’t feel time anymore. I don’t feel weight. I don’t think troubles can remain unsolved. I don’t believe there’s no way out. Actually life isn’t that scary as it seemed to me before. Maybe because I started to live at last? Possible.

Because Impossible means I’m Possible.