Learning how to fall

I see..everything differently. Such a strange feeling. It’s like I got different eyes. Or different vision. Now everything is not like it used to be before. And I like it.

It sounds so peaceful. It sounds so comfortable, warm. Words can’t describe the feeling. I think finally my reality is a bit better than my dreams. Although one thing is missing, but there’re hopes and prayers for that. And for some reason I believe things will be good. They are good already.

I just love how my feelings sound. I love how my perception of the world works. It will always be like that: comfortable, warm, stable, beautiful, peaceful, harmonic, real, worth living.

Just live your present to the fullest :)

And never let it go…

The reading is exciting, but my eyes can’t stand the torture anymore! I’ve had such a long and hard day and in the end of it I found will to give a go to the reading.

I’ve turned on my table lamp and brought myself a cup of evening tea. My eyes were doing a hard job. Not staring at the computer anymore, but running back and forth through the book pages. The story is a little bit not to my taste, I must say, and I may be wrong, because I’ve just started it.  But I don’t know why it’s so dragging in…

I wish I had more time for books.

So it’s officially Springtime! It’s warm outside and sun sets after 7pm. It makes me happy, because I wake up and it’s sunny…

I go home from work and it’s sunny! Even when it rains I’m not depressed anymore. Good news, eh?

Ah, officially a work-o-holic here. Against my will. Well, almost. I guess I live at work. Not much of a complaint, though. At last it brings me some joy, good experience and knowledge. Which is always fine!

And good that I still have time for friends, for books, for handcraftings and even movies. I’ve got a feeling this Spring-Summer 2010 season is very promising and hopefully good luck will find my address.

There’s nothing better than spring weather, sunny days, warm wind, a cup of evening tea, a book, and music… Sometimes life seems to be not that bad! Just need to learn to see the beauty.

Loaded as hell at work, and actually thanks to that I’ve got no single thought about anything else. And usually that “anything else” consisted of “my life, my love, my feelings and my brain”. None of that is left in my head anymore. I’m just living with what I’ve got today. And I’ve got one cool book and New-York cheesecake :D

Even if there’s still anything better than this…so, I’ll just have to be patient then!

The very first day of March brought some happiness into my life:

* I’ve got some job-wise improvements. Actually big improvements!

* It’s officially the 1st day of Spring here!!! No more snow, freez and winter!!

* Couldn’t ever imagine how one random postcard can make me happy!

I haven’t received any official cards yet, but I’ve already got a reply card from one of my “addresses”. I’m so happy!

It’s a long 4-days weekend over here. The worst thing that could happen – happened. I didn’t go anywhere and so I’m spending my time at home.

Rarely going out to take a deep breath of soon-to-come spring. It feels like springtime anywhere. It was +12*C today! And over +20*C under sun. Wow.

To do list for tomorrow:

~*~ German class tomorrow

~*~ to Send postcards, which I owe!!!

~*~ to wake up LATE in the morning

~*~ to Continue reading the book I’ve started not so long ago

~*~ to update all the music on iPod at last. Still have there songs, which make me cry from past time memories.

Maybe my weird head will come up with something else, but for now that will do.

~*~

Want to see sunshine more often and to love it and to like all the things which surround me.

I have never had such a strong feeling. I want to run away from here. To move, to escape, to disappear. Just need to be out of here. Permanently. I think I’m being tired from this place, people, weather, job, lifestyle. I try to build my happiness on my own. But it never works out that smoothly.

And nightmares still don’t let me forget. I wake up, and there’s pain again.

But this is me whining again :)

I’m actually having a hard day tomorrow. The day when my destiny regarding  job will be resolved. After tomorrow I will more or less know what I’ll do further and where I’m going to be (geographically too).

~*~

Always promise myself to go to bed earlier! I curse myself by mornings for not switching myself off at midnight at least.

Seems like I’m an insomnia sufferer too :(

{photo from here}

What are you able and willing to do to make your dreams come true?

I must say I rarely rely on miracles and lotteries. But I feel like I started to hope and believe again :) Just like when I was a little girl.

Though, I must admit, as I’ve grown up, my dreams also became bigger. I used to dream about toys and new dresses, then I started to dream about school to finish sooner, dreamt about growing up and being independent. My dreams have always been divided on two parts: 1. dreams about things, 2. dreams about non-material stuff. For example I dreamt to be healthier… And when I grew up a bit, I started to dream of love and being loved.

I must admit though, not much has changed since then. It’s just my dreams of material-wise part require a bit of money. And dreams about non-material stuff are still the same: to love again and to be loved.

So back to the topic of  “what are you willing to do to make your dreams come true”. I think I’ve got this “power” in me which pushing me towards more dreaming and making those dreams alive! Sometimes I feel like I can move mountains. It comes from an endless wish to make dreams come true, whatever it takes me.

~*~

When you really want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it. (c)

“The Alchemist” by P. Coelho

A year ago St. Valentine’s meant a Goodbye to my life through rose glasses, when I was in love with a wonderful guy. Goodbye to my hearts’ comfort and my dreams. See, usually it’s that day when “will you marry me?” is told. But unlike most of people I heard completely opposite!

But… here I am, all positive and happy.

And. It didn’t mean Iwasn’t going write about Valentine’s day here. I did not celebrate today in any possible way, but I was just trying to remind myself about things and people I do love. So then I stopped crying and suddenly smiled. There’s beauty in our lives. It doesn’t matter, wether you’ve got somebody’s shoulder to cry on or not. Of course, having all of that would be just wonderful. But for those who didn’t find it yet… Think of all the things and people around you, which make you smile, bring joy and pleasure into your life.

So. What do I love?

I love:

(more…)

Today I read a phrase which made me think of my behaviour.

It said: Our real relation towards people is shown not only when they are in need, but also when they are absolutely fine.

Try and be sincerely glad, when your male-friend fell in love (not with you), when your best girl-friend is getting married, when your neighbours bought a new car, when… Lots of such “when”s.

After that I realised that I do sometimes have this a little bit of “why it’s not me?”.

I believe there is the right time for everybody though. Today it is your best friend, but tomorrow it is going to be your turn. For sure.

~*~

Just learn to be frank with yourself. Would you feel O’K having those ulteriol thoughts in your head?